{Be Loving} Called to Include

When we talk about this month’s theme being love, we can’t avoid talking about people and our relationships to them. I just moved and started going to a new church and instantly felt right at home. Prior to this church I visited a few others and didn’t feel quite as welcome. It had nothing to do with how great the worship was, or the sermon, or even the greeters at the door. This got me thinking – what WAS it?

The answer of course was so simple – it was that these people lived out their lives with an openness and and welcoming attitude which permeated the culture.

The opposite of this is something I want to address this week: cliques.

I know, I nearly shutter at the word too…flashes of 7th grade cliques who seemed to be so inclusive it didn’t matter what I wore, how I acted, or how much I knew…there was no way I could break into their group. I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced this feeling of being on the outside so I’m going to cut right to the quick – cliques aren’t Biblical.

A clique defined is, “a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.”

At the start of this definition , it sounds just like community. Shared interest, features in common, spending time together – all great and encouraged! A problem arises when you acknowledge the rest of the definition – “…and do not readily allow others to join them.” This is what I have seen amongst Christians and non-Christians alike who close off to others due to an attitude of exclusivity.

This week I want to challenge you to be mindful of the people you spend time with. Cliques don’t always develop out of a negative heart. In fact, I would venture to say that more often that not, cliques develop out of a want for togetherness, based out of common interests or similar backgrounds. This isn’t a bad thing at a first glance but if it becomes exclusive or elite (it carries a “better that you” attitude) it may be time to examine the heart behind what’s really going on.

“I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.” 1 Corinthians 1:10

Here are three things to look our for –

1. Clique “language.” This is so natural, and again, not inherently bad at all. When we are with a specific group often, we adopt phrases, sayings, and even vocal inflection that to others, usually isn’t understood with clarity. I’ve experienced this first hand moving to a new region and having to learn seemingly a whole new set of slang words, phrases, and more. It’s totally okay to share these things with people but it’s important to be mindful of when and how you might use this language around others. This is especially true to small church groups (like high school group or youth group) where there are often visitors. It sounds so simple but the smallest of phrases and “inside jokes” can make someone feel left out, hurt, and uninformed.

2. Clique “knowledge.” As an “outsider” (whether that be a guest, a friend, etc.) there is always something (or a lot of things) that aren’t common knowledge except to those in the group. That can be a time and place of meeting or that there’s a carpool to someone’s house after church to hang out all together. Being mindful of those who aren’t directly involved with what you’re doing and making sure you keep in mind that they might need to be informed about what’s going on goes miles in their comfort and feeling a part of the group!

3. Clique “attitude.” Probably the most harmful, clique attitude is something we really need to be aware and mindful of. What I’m referring to is a ‘better than you” attitude that I’ve run into most commonly at school but yes, it even exists at church. We are instructed to do justly,  to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:8). 

What does that mean?

We are called to be inclusive, not exclusive. That doesn’t mean you’re going to like everyone in your small group or school but it does mean that you aim to show them love like Jesus no matter what. It’s not about us anymore, it’s about Him.

And He loves everyone regardless.

“Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked.” 1 John 2:6