{Be Confident} Speaking Grace

So, I’m about to tell a story. I know. Courtney, your stories are always so good. I know, you’re welcome.

But this particular story I’m not very proud of. And I’ve told a whopping three people until now because of my own embarrassment and sadness over the whole thing. But here goes… 

A few years ago, I had a family photo session that was scheduled for 10 a.m. on a chilly, November morning. The kids were cold and not wanting to cooperate in the slightest, and the parents’ frustration was showing. I tried my best to keep things light, but it just wasn’t working. Due to the little ones being cold and crying, we mutually agreed on ending the session about 30 minutes early.

I went home and culled through the pictures, and was actually pleasantly surprised at what we were able to get! I had many “keepers” in the bunch. I knew I had tried my best and worked well with conditions that I had been given, so I didn’t feel bad returning the photos a few days later. If I received any response at all, I expected it would be an e-mail expressing gratitude at what I was able to capture in the short time and difficult conditions.

The day after returning the photos, I woke up to an e-mail from the mom, expressing her anger with me and hatred of the photos. She told me that she saw “no talent” in my pictures, that she couldn’t find a single one worth keeping, and that she was disappointed and sick over the time and money that she wasted on their session. Talk about a punch in the stomach!

I remember shaking reading the e-mail and feeling like throwing up at the same time. I read it a few times, thinking I must have read something wrong. I must have skipped over a word. In my outrage at her hateful words, in tears, I speedily typed up an e-mail explaining how I did the best that I could with the conditions I was given. I snapped that I had no control over the behavior of her children and the temperature outside. I can’t remember exactly what I said honestly, but I can say with certainty that I didn’t stop to put it nicely.

If you know me well, you know that I tend to stray from confrontation or upsetting anyone in the slightest. But in this case, I defended myself and stood firm. And for a while, I felt completely justified in my reaction – even proud that I had not let her walk over me. But while I was polite and calm in response, I was also cutting with my words.

I let the words in her e-mail replay over and over in my mind for weeks following. This probably sounds dramatic, but I considered just selling all my equipment and quitting photos altogether. I pour my heart into what I do, and as a result, it felt like a direct attack on myself and my worth as a human being. I couldn’t understand why she would feel the need to send those words to me. That she took the time to actually type out such hatefulness and e-mail it to me, with no real reason for doing so other than to hurt me. I didn’t understand that kind of person, and I didn’t think that she should be able to just get away with it. To not ever know how much she hurt me, and how much her careless words could affect others.

Although the instance happened several years ago, I often think of it and wish I could go back and change my reaction. That, instead of quickly reacting with my immediate emotion to the whole thing, that I would have prayed about it. That I would have prayed for her and for a wise response to her unkindness.

That instead of taking what she said as an attack on my worth, that I would have considered what she must be going or went through to have that kind of hatefulness in heart to spew at a stranger.

When someone shows us that kind of unkindness, it’s easy to just curl up in a ball and feel sorry for ourselves. I know because I’m the best at it. Maybe we even go about talking badly about that person, because it’s just the truth, right? We say things in defense of ourselves that hurt them in return. That tear them down and make them feel the way they’ve made us feel.

We will face unkindness; that’s a constant truth in life.

But this is how I’ve come to see it. When it comes my time to stand in front of the Lord in review of my life and how I lived it for Him, as much as I’d like, I doubt God is going to say – “Courtney, you were so right to say those things to/about that mean person. You were completely in the right to verbally attack them after they were so unkind to you.”

But the hard to swallow truth – God isn’t going to say that to me. Because despite what I think sometimes, this life isn’t about me.

Our reaction to unkindness is where God’s focus lies. When that hurtful thing was said or done, how were we a light for Him? Did we act out of our own self-interest or for His? Did we give grace like He gives us day in and day out?

How crazy that one small cruelty can affect us so greatly and stick with us for so long. How the unkind words of one can trump the kindness and encouragement of a hundred. But also to think that our kindness could work just the same in another’s life. Maybe amidst all the unkindness that they are receiving – all that they are going through – we can be the one small kindness that shines above. The seed that gets planted for Him.

In Colossians 4:6, the Lord tells us, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Oh, grace and truth – how you can escape this emotional girl.

I wish I could go back to that e-mail. I wish I would have thanked her for hiring me in the first place. I wish I had apologized for the circumstances (not my work) and expressed my understanding of her frustration. I wish I had kindly explained how important my work and my clients’ happiness are to me.

I wish I had set my eyes on mercy rather than justice. On blessing her rather than attacking her. And just as we see Jesus in the Bible shine grace and truth on unkindness, that I would have done the same.

Friends, there is so much peace to be found in pouring God’s grace into everything we speak.  So many sleepless nights and tears shed that don’t have to be, simply by looking at unkindness through the eyes of the Lord.  With compassion and empathy. Choosing to speak truth and shining a light into their lives instead.

The next time you face unkindness – and let’s be real, that’s most likely tomorrow, amiright – stop and choose to pray for them instead. Pray for their hearts and their situation. Turn their day around by blessing them with a kind word or small gesture. Seriously, pour out kindness and ridiculous amounts of love and understanding all over the place! Choose to speak grace and react with words that will bring glory to the Lord instead of your wounded pride. Be the kindness that they will remember. We may not immediately see the impact we have, but we are opening eyes and hearts and doors for the Lord – every single time.

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult or insult.
On the contrary, repay evil with a blessing.”
– 1 Peter 3:9