Kindness: Set it Free
Some things happen in life that we can never truly forget. Maybe words that were spoken or actions that were taken. Things that hurt us and break us and seem impossible to ever move past.
I don’t remember the first time I heard the phrase “forgive and forget,” but for as long as I can remember, it has completely puzzled me. I remember being five years old, riding down the road with my aunt to the gas station. And to this day, I can remember the song that was on the radio. And if my mind remembers tiny things like that, how could I ever forget something of real significance? Something that truly hurt me or even changed the life of that little girl?
It’s easy to hold on to that anger. To keep it with us and take comfort in our resentment. It’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves for the hurt that was done to us. It’s easy to hold it in our hearts and let it grow and build and put bitterness deep down into our core.
It’s easy because forgiveness is hard. For me, I would say it’s one of the hardest things in life. I am a champ at holding a grudge and holding onto the past like it’s my best friend. True and whole forgiveness doesn’t come easily or naturally for me. Even something that was done to one of my loved ones (probably the greater offender), I do not easily get over. I always want the situation to be brought to light; for justice to be done; for an apology to be made. My husband will laugh heartily at this, because if he has learned one thing about me in our two year marriage, it’s that I can’t let go of an argument without certain things. We have to talk it out, fully understand what the fight was about, and lastly, apologize. And if those things don’t happen, it’s near impossible for me to move forward.
On the road last weekend, a certain hurt in my life was weighing heavily on my heart and mind. I found myself pondering different things I could do to bring about justice in the situation. How I could bring resolution to it. Or even how I could expose the hurt and, while not completely my intent, repay the hurt that this person paid me. Thinking that some sort of healing might be found that way.
But sitting in church last week, God all but tapped me on the shoulder. It felt as if the speaker was talking right to me. He cut right to the truth of it and spoke volumes to this stubborn heart. First, he reminded us of Matthew 18 : 21 – 22:
Peter asked the Lord, “How often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” And Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.”
I sat with my notebook in hand, jotting down the verse and thinking to myself – that kind of forgiveness just isn’t real. I think once is fair, God. Okay, maybe I could even forgive it twice. But three times? Four times? Seventy-seven??? Let’s not get carried away up there!
And then it was there in one sentence he spoke. The answer to my questions. All the ways that I’ve been trying to cover up my bitterness. The ways I’ve been pretending to have “forgotten.” The ways that I’ve been seeking some kind of justice. Some kind of apology. Holding onto all the hurt of the past. It spoke to all the ways that I’m still very much that little, five-year-old girl.
“The fact that we want someone to get what they deserve means that we don’t understand forgiveness.”
It hit me. There’s no number on real forgiveness.
There’s no limit to love and kindness.
Don’t get me wrong. That hurt you’re holding on to, that’s real. And there’s no easy way to forget it. We can’t just erase it from our minds with a magic wand. You’ll more than likely always remember. But luckily for us, forgiveness isn’t about forgetting. Or justice. Or an apology.
True forgiveness recognizes that we are all in need of forgiveness. That we are all sinners at the foot of the cross and in need of constant grace. That we can all afford that kindness, and that it’s not our job to seek out revenge. By handing it up to the Lord, letting go of our need for justice, and showing true mercy to another, we are in turn showing kindness to two people – the person that hurt us and ourselves.
Because the truth is, if we spend all of our time trying to repay hurt or holding onto the past, we are only hurting our own hearts.
Whatever it is that you are holding on to today friend, I pray that you can lift it up to the Father. That you can allow Him to take that burden and that pain, and allow healing into your heart. That you understand that you don’t have to forget, but that you realize that the burden is no longer yours. That instead of seeking revenge or apologies, that you seek after kindness and grace instead.
Mostly, I pray that you will listen to the whisper in your ear saying,
“set it free.”
“Let it go and be amazed
by what you see through eyes of grace.
The prisoner that it really frees is you.”
– Matthew West
