{Dear Me} What I Would Tell My High School/College Age Self

Delight

August 19, 2013

J. and I often swap stories about the “good ‘ol days” when we’re on long drives. Such was the case this past Monday as we drove back from eastern WA. Since we both grew up in small, somewhat-neighboring tourist towns and went to small high schools, we can empathize, laugh and relate to our experiences in many ways. I always laugh when J. talks fondly about his ’89 Honda Prelude–the one he proudly tricked out with special rims, neon lights (neon lights, you guys), and ridiculous speakers that blasted way too much Snoop Dogg. To counter this, I talk up my first car: an ’81 Buick Skylark. It didn’t even have a working AM/FM radio, but I could still pop the CD-tape adapter in the tape player! Napoleon Dynamite would have been SO jealous. My husband was on the football team at his school and I was a cheerleader at mine. Since we didn’t meet until our late twenties, we often wonder if our paths ever crossed when we were young. Our conversations usually start out with “I’m sure you would’ve remembered my mall bangs” or “I’m sure you would’ve remembered my huge guns…”

We’re such dorks.

So over the last couple days since our latest reminisce, I’ve been thinking a lot about the lessons I’ve learned since high school and what I’d like to tell myself; sort along the lines of “I wish I’d known then what I know.” I’m sure all of us have quite a bit we’d tell ourselves, right?

But I also have a second reason for wanting to write this post. If you follow the news, I’m sure you heard of the young girl from Canada who took her own life after being bullied. Today, it seems teens have so much more stuff going on than I did back then–and I believe this is in large part to the relentless assault on them put forth by the media. Social media especially (and just FYI, no, I am not bashing all use of social media…hello! I use it, too!). Pressures to look a certain way (and I thought flipping through Seventeen Magazine was bad), have X amount of Facebook/Twitter/Instagram followers, you name it. It’s seriously depressing. And this bullying trend? I hate to even call it a trend…but…wow. My heart aches for these young lives. I often wonder who is speaking into their lives? Is there anyone? Oh, how my heart aches…

I’ve narrowed what I’d tell myself down to five things. In my head I can think of so much more I’d say, but for the purposes of this post, I’ll just stick to five. So here goes…

1. Your identity will not and does not come from the color of your hair. Or the brand of makeup you have on. Or how many hours you spend in the tanning booth, who you hang out with or even your college major. Oh, right now it seems that way. But soon, sooner than you think, you will discover that these things will not bring lasting happiness. You will not find lasting joy in what’s popular. You will not be in those braces forever, and you will not have that “skin problem” forever. Your beauty is not defined by the world’s standards. Oh, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to follow trends and look your best, but don’t let those things consume you. That is not your true identity. Being comfortable with who you are, how God made you, and letting Him speak to your heart about who you really are, will bring about the most beautiful transformation. In fact, that transformation will be so brilliant, it will make you shine. That joy will be of the everlasting kind. Someday, when you’re writing articles about Vogue fashion shows, you will be so thankful you know who you are, are (finally) comfortable in your own skin and who God made you to be. You will know true beauty, and it will set you free.

2. That guy you were totally head-over-heels-but-he’s-the-one-and-there-will-never-be-another-ever-ever-ever? You’ll get over him. Trust me, you will. And then one that came along after him? You’ll get over him too. And the one that came along after him? Thank the good Lord you will get over him too. You can’t see it now, and in fact, you can’t even fathom it, but just keep trusting. Losing said guy is not the end of the world. Yes, the pain is deep. Yes, at times it even feels hard to breathe. Yes, it totally and completely sucks. And even when you do the breaking up? That sucks too. God does have a plan. He has not forgotten you. Even if you don’t get married until age 28, you’ll look back and realize the pain was temporary and there was so much grace involved. So much wonderful, amazing, life-giving grace. (And hot dang, your future hubs is HOT.)

3. Don’t let fear rule. That dream you have? Find opportunities to make it happen. Go after it. If it doesn’t work out as you had intended, that’s okay. At least you tried. Write down those dreams. It is so much fun looking back at those journal writings and dreams and seeing what you’ve been able to accomplish. Pray hard. Dream big. Seek out like-minded individuals who will help you pursue your dreams. And then pray some more. Focus on your natural gifts and talents and then start using them. Pray for opportunities to use them.

4. Realize that things aren’t always what they seem. That girl who looks like she has it all together? Ask her to tell you her story. You might be surprised. Comparison can be a dangerous thing. Everybody has a story, and nobody’s story is finished yet. Learn from others and their stories. Be an encourager, give grace, and listen well. True happiness comes from helping others and leading a God-centered life filled with gratitude. Give thanks for every day. Life is short, and time will pass quicker than you think. (This is profoundly true when you have a child of your own!)

5. Give grace to yourself. Yes, you will fail. Yes, you will make mistakes. Life is full of choices and sometimes, you won’t always make the right ones. Don’t aim for perfection. Trust God and His grace in your life. Forgive yourself, just as Christ does. Ground yourself in the Word. Ground yourself in Christ. Someday, there WILL come a day when you must choose for yourself who you will follow and serve. Your faith must become your own–not your parents’. Don’t turn and walk away into a life of temporary happiness. Ground yourself in true joy–fight for it even. Stay the course. You’ll never regret it. Ever.