{Be Real} Let Kindness Lead You Home
I remember this day perfectly. The day I allowed myself to be mad at God. For many years, I wouldn’t be that honest. I would show Him disappointment, fear…but anger? It just didn’t feel right.
But this time was different. I was feeling something more than disappointment.
Something that I desired deeply was taken away. And not only that, it had been taken away before and I knew this desire was Gods desire for me to have. So I just didn’t understand. I tried to be patient before, but the patience wore thin. And I was angry.
I was dropping off camera equipment in the city, and parked many blocks away because of traffic. I remember the sound of the suitcase with equipment, rolling behind me as I sped my way through the crowd, the gentle roll, occasionally hitting bumps. My feet were moving fast. And the whole way, I decided to tell God just how I felt. I let Him have my emotion.
And something happened in the moments I decided to give God my anger.
He returned by giving me His kindness.
In fact, right there in the middle of a bustling city, I heard His gentle whisper, Count gifts.
I almost laughed. Gifts, God? Gifts?
But I counted, reluctantly. I started counting the gear in my bag, my legs that allowed me to take each step, my lungs breathing in air, the blue skies overhead. The will of God held me there in that moment. And I knew that I was right where I needed to be.
His kindness swept over me like the wind. I knew He wasn’t trying to hurt me – He was protecting me, and drawing me deeper into Him.
In the same way God spoke peace over the waves, and they were still, His kindness spoke peace into my heart.
In that moment, the verse in Kari Jobe’s song “You Are Good” was ever true:
“Your kindness leads me to repentance.
Your goodness draws me to your side.
Your mercy calls me to be like you.
Your favor is my delight.”
The truth is, even when we shake our fists at God, He is kind to us. He is merciful and gracious and gentle with our hearts.
He reassures us that we don’t have to understand everything to understand the one thing, the one holy and true thing:
He is good.
His kindness is always a pathway unto His heart. He reaches us with that kindness, in places we doubt He is.
See, friends…this is the thing: our doubt, our fear, our disappointment, our hurt, our questions – they do not change the heart of God. His heart toward us will always be kind.
“Love is patient, love is kind.”
– 1 Corinthians 13:4
This verse, we’ve heard it spoken at dozens of altars…but let’s let it reach the altar of our heart today. The one who loves us truly and fully – His love is the essence of patience and kindness.
We don’t deserve to be treated kindly when we shake our fists at God, when we’re doubting or hurting or when we’ve turned away. But that’s the beautiful thing about God. He doesn’t give in proportion to what we deserve. He gives according to who He is and never ceases to be.
It’s not about us at all, His kindness. It’s about His very nature. A nature He never turns from. How incredible that in Him there “is no variation or shadow in turning.” (James 1:17) We turn but He never turns.
When we receive His steadfast lovingkindness into our hearts, we can’t help but be drawn unto it, and into Him.
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.”
– Jeremiah 31:3
When we feel lost, it’s His kindness that gently grabs our hand and leads us home. It whispers, this is the way to my heart, daughter – remember it? Remember who I am?
He will remind you who He is, dear One. Be honest with Him today, tell Him where you are and where your heart is. And no matter the truth of how you feel: one thing remains: His steadfast love. This love that is always, always is kind.
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” -Isaiah 54:10
