{Be Real } Like a Firefly in a Jar
Like a Firefly in a Jar
The weather is turning warmer…the kind of warmer that, when the sun goes down, you can still feel it in the air. Our happy feelings come out of hibernation. Our souls fly like butterflies for the first time, so joyful and free, and a little uncoordinated. All because it’s summer, and there are flowers, and sunshine, and green grass, and the sound of mowers a little too early in the morning from annoying neighbors. It’s so wonderful.
And for me, with it comes a restlessness.
What do you do when you feel like you have so much to give, so much you want to do, but you can’t seem to take a single step forward?
Here’s something I wrote back in 2010:
“Wanting to move forward, come alive, but feeling so dead inside. Winter still has a cold hand on something deep down….it froze so hard that it won’t thaw. It needs a spark, a serious burst of energy to break it open and let the flame begin to flutter.
I can be beautiful and stark, and seem to fly free, and still be a prisoner. The walls may be of my own making, but that doesn’t mean I know how to deconstruct them. Seeing it from the outside, I look intriguing, content, and full of life. This is the surface. I am a bug, lit up, but a dirty little bug underneath the glowing warmth of light that surrounds me. And I’m trapped behind invisible glass.”
I used to feel this way so often. All the time. I could feel the creative energy burning inside of me. I had a very deep desire to know God. But I wasn’t getting anywhere. You want to know why?
I can see very clearly now that I wasn’t moving forward because I didn’t want to die to myself. I was afraid I would lose myself, and become some sort of clone-like cookie-cutter Christian. It’s not something I was that aware of then, but I can see it now in hindsight. I didn’t want to lose my edge, my personality. I wanted God’s love and provision, but I wanted to do things on my own. I didn’t know how to have a relationship with him beyond being His servant, and being a servant did not appeal to me.
What I didn’t realize is that God calls us to serve Him, yes, but it’s through our consuming love for Him and from Him, that we want to serve. It’s not about the things we do. We don’t get into heaven by our works. It’s Christ’s sacrifice that saves us. Desiring to know Him and love Him wholeheartedly brings us into relationship. We become His friend, He becomes our lover. It’s intimate, and it’s so real and alive. We naturally want to serve Him, because of His love.
God made us with our quirks and our dreams. When we put Him first, we allow Him to move in our lives and take us places we could never go on our own. Only then can we be transformed fully into what we were created to be. How awesome is that? The things we hang onto, they are just pieces of something so much bigger!
So what do you do when you have dreams that aren’t coming true?
What do you do when you feel like you have all the faith you need, but still, nothing happens?
You wait. You hold onto those dreams, those God-given desires, and you wait. Because in waiting, is obedience. Waiting is a form of action, and God is right there with you. He is your comfort, your peace in times of struggle. He has given you a hope and a future. Cherish your dreams and hopes, hold tight to them, and “ponder them in your heart” as Mary did in Luke 2:19.
Sometimes it feels as though you’re feeling around in the dark, but that’s okay because you have the source of all light within you. Trust Him, and He will never lead you astray.
Zephaniah 3:17
Jeremiah 29:11-13
Matthew 28:20
