{Be Real} The Messy Beautiful

The perfectionist in me cringes at the word – Mess.

And if you’re anything like me, you don’t like messes either. Literal messes you can handle – some clothes strewn around the room, papers piling up on desk. But emotional messes are another story. Conflict, confusion, and hurt are messes that we don’t want to sit in like a pile of laundry. Because those messes touch something deep our souls, and make us feel ashamed and hurt.

Why does community have to be so messy?

We talked about this last week, that every person is broken. I know it’s simple to say and oh, so hard to live close to.

I think the hardest community to be in sometimes is our own families.

I thought about this a lot during the holidays. I was so excited to see my family, some people I haven’t seen together in 4 years, and families I haven’t seen together in forever. But after coming together, there were miscommunications. Tears, staining pillows. Hurt feelings. Webs, strewn together by words so intricate, and how do you escape from words? How do people who live so differently, come together harmoniously?

“Above all things have fervent love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

-1 Peter 4:8

Love. I think Jesus wants us to have love that covers other people. Not love that excuses other people, or enables something unhealthy in other people, but a love that covers. A love that is filled with compassion and extends understanding and grace.

This is hard. But I think we have to start here, at home – before we go out and love people at church, or in third world countries, or even our Delight sisters throughout the U.S. What Mother Theresa said when she was asked, What can you do to go promote world peace? “Go home and love your family.”

Ouch. I know the sting of those words, the truth in them that rings and echoes like ripples.

Let me confess something to you. I need help with this too. I love deeply, but the people closest to me sometimes see how selfish I can be. Sometimes all I can think about in a day is my own schedule, my convenience; and I know that I don’t give as generously or sacrifice for my parents as they do for me.

Being close to other people doesn’t just show you their mess, but yours. They reflect to you how selfish you are, they reflect your insecurities. The places you feel desperate to be understood. Sometimes, looking into their eyes, you see the depths of your own needy soul.

But in God’s goodness, I think this is exactly why we need family. Why we are called to be family.

God created a place for us to belong. A place to be accepted. Not in spite of our mess, but irrelative to our mess. Let me say that again. He wants us to accept and be accepted not in spite of our mess, but irrelative to our mess.

A few days ago, I sat with my parents and cousins in my brother’s apartment, and we talked about my grandma’s funeral over ten years ago. We remembered my cousin and I at the funeral together, crying together in the bathroom. And in that moment, our eyes met. I looked up at her, into her teary eyes, and I saw THIS is why we have family. To carry each other’s burdens and go through the trenches of life together.

We don’t choose family, they are chosen for us. Our family is chosen to show us that we have to keep choosing each other. No matter what.

Because at the end of the day, tears stain pillows. We feel ashamed. We don’t communicate well sometimes. We aren’t as sensitive to each other’s hearts as we should be. We’re selfish. We are all beautiful messes.

Anne Lamott writes,

“What people somehow (inadvertently, I’m sure) forget to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here…”

I love this quote! And it’s so true. Finding yourself, and God’s will for you, lies inside your mess. Inside the real, raw self that you see every day, that your family sees. It lies inside your messy story and your messy home.

The beauty of the mess is, God accepted us into His family, knowing the whole truth about us. Knowing all the places we are broken. Knowing all of the pain we carry. And God doesn’t just accept the perfect parts of us, the holiest parts, but the messy parts. It’s all beautiful in His eyes because WE belong to Him. And we belong to each other.

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us,

that we should be called children of God!” -1 John 3:1

It’s because of His love that has been lavished upon us, sisters, that we are free to accept the whole of ourselves, and the whole of other people.

We are free to live this messy beautiful grace together.

“If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.”

-1 John 4:12

“Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

-Ephesians 3:20-21