When God Saved Me. . .again. {Be Loved with Kristin}

by: Melissa Sienna

When I was a sophomore in high school, the unthinkable happened. My best friend died. She had a disease I never knew the name of, because it didn’t define her. Jesus did. Kelly was blind, hard of hearing and in a wheel chair, but her spirit was brighter than anyone I have ever known. We had a really close group of girlfriends, and we nicknamed ourselves the freaky fivesome. Somehow Kelly would call us all every night, and we would talk for hours. All five of us boasted the same and we had sleep over after sleepover. Nothing separated the five of us. Kelly was in the hospital for three days. For three days our worlds slowly crumbled, for three days Kelly fought for her life, until March 18th when she lost her battle with her disease. Our worlds shattered in ways we couldn’t understand, the days following were a blur of tear, heartbreak, and reminiscing.
Our friendships couldn’t stand under the pressure of our loss, and we went from best friends to acquaintances in mere days. Not only did my best friend die, 3 of my friendships did too. I lost everyone I knew at school in the matter of a few days, and my heart couldn’t stand under the weight of the loss. I felt like I was completely alone. And I started to question God. How could someone who loved me so much take away everything good in my life so quickly? Why did it hurt so much? And mostly, why did He need Kelly and not me? what was so wrong with me that my Savior didn’t even want me?
These questions haunted me day in and day out for months, until I couldn’t take it anymore. I made a plan, a seemingly perfect plan. My mother was never around, so I would take a whole bottle of pills and be gone long before she came home. If God didn’t want to bring me home, then I would do the work. The day of my plan, a boy in class asked for my number, and I gave it to him knowing he’d never actually use it. That night, my phone rang, thinking it was my mother and she’d get worried if I didn’t answer, I did. It was the boy from school and we talked for a really long time that night. For the first time in months I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe my life did matter. Maybe there was a reason God hadn’t called me home. Maybe God isn’t finished with me yet.
No matter how hard life is, God is always there. His love shines through in the darkest moments. Everything seemed to be falling apart in my life, my 4 best friends were gone, my mother didn’t call or come home for days at a time, but yet God found a simple way to show me how much He loved me, and how much He valued my life. No matter what you are going through, remember your savior loved you enough to send His son to die on a cross for you. Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No matter how much it hurts, remember that you are loved, and I am praying for you.