{Be Loving} For The Night Season

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” 2  Corinthians 12:9 NKJV

This week I want to share with you all something very raw and vulnerable. Over the last few months (and especially the last one) God has been putting me face to face with my past…things I’d rather not deal with or really even acknowledge. It is dark and painful and often even terrifying. Through it all though, He is showing me something so rich about His strength in my weakness.

I’ve heard people say things like “God just wants your ‘weak yes’” and now I am sitting here unable to form much of anything but a weak yes to Him. I am emptied beyond what I thought was possible staying as near to Him as I can – grasping onto His love and presence. He has brought me to a new and deeper place of reliance of Him where not only stunned by my weakness but by His glory in it.

I’ve been wrestling with what to write this week and keep being reminded that realness is more important than anything. With that, I wanted to share something I wrote when I was flying down to visit family for Christmas:

This is what it means right now for me to be in the world but not of it.

I’m currently sitting in the airport and for so, so many reasons I just hurt so badly. I am so scared and have much anticipation, I am ready to wait but willing to go, I am torn and so hopeful…this ache is deep and covers so many things beyond what I even know. Physically I feel it, mentally I feel it, spiritually I feel it.

I have become something finally that is ready.

But being ready doesn’t discount how much apprehension I have. I am overcome by peace and full of terror. I am grasping at sanity while my brain lets go. I am waking with my feet stuck in the ground. This irony is thick and makes it hard to breathe.

I have to take time. I have to become.

All I can do is rely. I am at the end of myself, so desperate for healing and release. His strength is all I am living on. His light on my dark, His pursuit after my escape. He is the invitation I say yes to continually even through it means there is going to be pain. An awful lot of pain. My comfort needs to be threatened and it is.

So I give up control. And I keep the Light on even though the darkness is so comfortable.

It is worth it. Stay in the light, friends.

Today I feel deeply for your hearts – please know that you are not alone. Not now, not ever. Even if I am talking to one of you right now, you are so worth it. I wish today I had more to give you, but I know that He is enough and that’s what I have to give.

I want to leave you with a song from Will Reagan’s album “In The Night Season.” It has been on a playlist of just a few songs I’ve been signing on repeat. I know you’re not all in the “night season” but for those of you who are, don’t be afraid to turn on the Light and to keep it on. He will illuminate everything and where His light is, darkness must go. Claim His light over your life.

You know me, I know You
You’re the God who calms all my storms
You’re the voice inside my head

Don’t give up
Don’t let go
Don’t loose trust
Don’t loose hope

You can have all my fears God
You can have all my sins
You can have all my weakness
I know You’re with me till the very end

///

I have so much joy knowing He is working even in the midst of pain in all of our lives. Although we’re all experiencing varying degrees of storms, together we will overcome.

I will sing of how You draw me
Out of darkness, into glory

Sweetest Name // Will Reagan and United Pursuit