{Be Real} Arise

“I feel like a failure.”

I confessed it to him, let the word slip off my lips as I looked at the black night sky, twinkling with stars. I felt the cool air on my shoulders, hugged my arms and exhaled.

“I feel like no matter what I do, I’m going to end up disappointing someone. I just can’t do everything. I need help.”

I admitted this need for help, in that vulnerable, naked moment.

It had been a season of feeling like I had too much work to do, and I was burnt out. The thought of traveling again, shooting a double wedding weekend, and processing through thousands of images, and marketing amidst all this – all that  was ahead seemed overwhelming, a mountain I didn’t have strength to climb.  Sometimes owning a business is downright hard. It isn’t the glamorous life we all portray on Instagram.

And then there was the balance of actually having a life in the midst – I had been dating seriously and navigating new waters – all at the same time. Sometimes when God gives He gives all at the same time, and it was all crashing over me like a wave. A wave that swept me right away.

Some mornings my feet would hit the floor and I would feel discouraged before I even began. I confessed to a friend, “I have to fight the feeling that this will not make a difference if I can’t do it all.”

And somewhere between tears, whispered prayers, worship music and encouraging books – I found a space that I hadn’t before.

There is a space between discipline and grace.

A space where God has shown me that everything we do makes a difference. Every time our fingers hit the keys, every time we post something encouraging, every time we give a kind word – it all matters. And the illusion that if we don’t “do it all” it doesn’t matter “at all” isn’t truth.

If we don’t get it all done in a day, is that what really matters? And when will it all be done, anyway?

We can break this illusion of perfectionism and fitting our daily time in boxes and the idea that we won’t be interrupted or deal with things we didn’t expect.

Discipline isn’t committing to do it all of this perfectly. Discipline is committing to keep showing up every day to the one thing in front of us. The one thing we can do and the one thing God will empower us to do.

It will never all be done. But we can do something, and that something will matter.

That one thing. That one email. That one post. That one wedding gallery. That one thing we were putting off for the last month.

It’s unfortunate: we can hinder our discipline with our self-expectations.

We expect ourselves to juggle it all, and have this neat and perfect life on the outside. We expect ourselves to be a version of a female superhero – somehow, less human than the woman next to us. And if we don’t daily perform like that, then we think we are not “good enough” or disciplined enough.

We have to let ourselves fall from our own expectations. Humility will teach us, this is not about us and our sheer willpower. I watch the leaves fall out the window and I see, this is the place God calls us to.

Sometimes, the first step toward discipline is letting go. And letting God.

Because when we continually look inward at us and our own power, we will get discouraged.

We see the truth of our own will and restraint – and we know that we will fail. We’ll fail ourselves and we’ll fail other people. And it’s okay. We’ll get up every day and at some time we’ll make a poor decision or get distracted. And it’s okay. Seasons will come where we’ll get tired, and we’ll get burnt out. It will happen. And it’s okay.

This is where the grace of God rushes in, like a tide stronger than the current of a season, and it covers all our failure, and all of our weakness. In all of the places we can’t, He can.

This grace whispers a word that sinks deep into hearts. It whispers courage.

After we’ve let ourselves go, we can take courage by holding onto Him. We can know confidently that He is more than sufficient for us.

“[The Lord] said to me, My grace (My favor and lovingkindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for my strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent and dwell) upon me!”

-2 Corinthians 12:9 (AMP)

It’s the strength and power of Christ – not the strength and power of us – that makes all the difference.

It’s Christ that whispers a strength into our weak places – and it is Christ that calls us up again.

He enables us to be courageous.  And not only does He enable us, but He calls us.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

He’s whispering this, dear sister, to all of us.

Arise.

No matter what is in front of you daily, you can rise to face it with Him.

He sings – I am with you.

And His grace washes over all of the failures and reminds there is purpose in the daily, and that we can be disciplined to do the small thing in front of us – with His grace, and with His courage.

It’s time to arise, dear ones.  Together.

 

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.”
-Ephesians 3:20-21