I remember this moment like it was yesterday, not 3 years ago. I was standing on the banks of the Merced River, my camera and tripod set. The river flowed swiftly, the grasses were a lush green, and the majestic view of El Capitan towered in the background. The sky was blue. The valley floor was filled with silence.
I composed my shoot, in the stillness of the moment. Click. And with every click, my eyes saw clearer, my heart grew more still. I re-composed. Click.
What I wanted, though, was something my fingers couldn’t capture. I wanted to breathe this beauty into my lungs, I wanted to absorb it into myself.
The only words I use to describe how it felt, standing there, was “Eden.”
I had a glimpse of God-glory among creation, so pure, that I knew, This is what I was made for. This is what we were all made for. There was no mistake. I felt a glory, echoing through my surroundings. A glory that made me think of God and worship Him, a glory that reminded me of my smallness. And in that atmosphere, I was drenched in His peace. And I had never felt peace so strongly as right there.
My family was waiting in the car behind me, engine running. I tried to drown out the sound.
I couldn’t leave. I remember praying, God, please don’t take me away from here. How can I leave this, when this is what I was made for? In that instant, my soul felt like it was being forced to separate from something inexpressibly good and pure and whole. How could I leave His peace?
That moment, is when God whispered, I am going with you. You may be leaving this, but you are not leaving me. You are taking me home with you.
In that moment, my heart sighed and I knew I could leave. I could only leave because His peace was not leaving me. It is like Jesus promised to His disciples,
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you;
Not as the world gives do I give to yo.
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
-John 14:27
When we talk about receiving God’s peace, we often think our lives have to look like this scene from Yosemite, that we have to be on the banks of still waters, enjoying silence, in order to receive His peace. It’s no wonder peace can seem like an ideal rather than a reality.
When we look at our calendars, the idea of pursuing stillness and peace can seem like a big joke. Really, God, have you ever lived on this earth? Don’t you know all the demands I have upon me?
The thing is, God did live on this dusty earth. He felt demands on him. He was sent here to do the hardest thing – to die. He had crowds of people following him and wanting to be touched and healed by him. But he withdrew from the crowds to pray. He chose to withdraw. To be close to the Father.
The irony is, the more urgent our schedule seems, the more urgent it is for us to withdraw, and open ourselves to God’s peace. And there are many moments we can’t withdraw fully from a situation, but we can withdraw our Spirits, to choose to re-center on God.
Being present to peace is a choice.
Peace is always there, waiting for us. And we can be present to it anywhere – at the banks of a river, in the middle of a crowd hustling to get to work. Because receiving peace is all about being open to receive God’s presence, in any moment.
The question isn’t, can we have his peace? The question is always, do we truly want His peace?
This question stings my heart too, but I look at it today, raw and real. When you look at the way you spend your time, and your life – are you pursuing peace? Do you leave space for the Holy Spirit?
I can honestly say that I haven’t done this well. I make time to meet with God daily, but often fill every spare second of the rest of the day to pursue friends and work and I often don’t leave enough margin for God’s presence. And God is challenging me to do things differently.
The other day, I re-visited my favorite trail, and took a walk around a lake, just to be with God. This is really what He’s always wants, sister. Just to be. with. us. It’s incredible to think – the God of the universe, the God who created the stars and set the earth in motion, desires to spend time with us. But He does! Earlier that day, I felt a thumping in my heart, and I knew God wanted to meet me on that trail. He lead me there, just like the verse,
“He leads me beside the still waters,
He restores my soul.”
-Psalm 23:2
This is where it always begins. Being open to let God take our hand and lead our journeys.
Even as I write this, His Spirit is whispering, Let me lead you.
When God leads us, He always draws us into His presence, and it is there we are filled with peace. And this peace is beyond what we can comprehend.
The situation may not be peace. The world may be swirling and we may be going through troubles. But when God leads, He always leads us into Himself. No matter where we are, He wants to lead us into places so beautiful, so still, you will know that He is there. And just like I heard on the banks of the Merced River, sister, you will hear His whisper and know the presence that says,
I am with you. And I am going with you.
“The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside the still waters,
He restores my soul.”
Psalm 23:1-3
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oh, kerri. this is beautiful! and something i so needed this week. life seems to be going full force and i have so many new things coming at me and while they are exciting and life-changing, i’ve just been craving His peace in my life.
your words spoke straight to my heart.