{Be Real} God Will Never Abandon You

I was eight years old  the day I stood in my drive way of the trailer park and watched my home be shredded of all scrap metal.  All that was left were wood planks and pink insulation.  That very next day, my Daddy and Mommy decided drugs were more important than their four beautiful babies.  They gave us up.  My dad drove us to the Mission of Hope and said goodbye.  He left me and my three siblings at the door step of a mission for grown men.  He knew they had helped him in the past, so maybe they would help his children get a fresh start at life.

How can you explain to an eight-year-old that your life will never be the same again?   How was I going to be strong enough for my siblings?  I was their leader; the strong one.  I didn’t feel that way at all.  I was confused and very sad.  So began a journey of countless foster homes and schools.  I never knew what consistency was until I stayed in a school longer than three months.  I was in sixth grade when I actually made friends for the first time.  I still treasure those friendships today.

Over time and through God’s mercy, I have forgiven and moved on.  Past my fathers death in 2007 and  past my mothers still crazy, addictive self.  But somehow this hurt is like a needle stuck in my skin that won’t go away.  I wish it would.  I wish I could feel normal.  I’ve realized that it’s okay to have things that have hurt us –shaped us–truly made us who we are, but we have to make a choice to live again.  To learn what that means.  I believe there is a grace God gives us.

With me, I believe God has had His hand on me my entire life.  He knew I needed him.  Most of my upbringing through the foster care system God was forced down my throat.  I went through a rebellion when I graduated high school and went through a lot of guys, alcohol, and sex.  I had an idea of who God was, but did not have a true relationship with Him.  I thought I knew what that was, but I didn’t.   When I was really getting out of control, he brought my husband into my life.  I knew he was different from all of my other boyfriends.  He had goals and dreams and a Savior that he called upon.  A Savior I didn’t truly know.   I believe God placed him in my life to take care of me and to help me truly find Jesus.  I was drawn to the Jesus he served and loved so much.  It’s amazing how it works if we just let Him into our daily lives!

I might always be a little jealous or bothered at not having parents to call and depend on , but I have a Heavenly Creator I can depend on.  If I look to Him when I can’t look anywhere else for comfort, then and only then can I know true happiness and peace.   I have a beautiful family now and I pour every ounce of love I can give into my daughter, Abigail.  I want to make sure she never knows the hurt of being abandoned by her parents and feels the comfort and happiness of a relationship with a loving Jesus.