I Am an Artist
by: Emily Fraizer
Hey there! My name is Emily. I grew up by the Mediterranean Sea speaking Turkish and eating lots and lots of cucumbers, feta cheese, yogurt, and rice. I moved to America at age 14 and discovered my passion of photography and pursued it to where I am now.
Looking over the last eighteen years of my life, I can see how the Lord directed and guided me to where I am today. In ways I could not see even months and years afterwords. In ways I know I still have not identified and may never. This last month I spent traveling overseas. I would have never dreamed I would spend five weeks of senior year away from home and exploring countries, but I did! During my time away I have become more me then I think I’ve ever been before. I spent time journaling on planes, meeting new people, capturing little towns, learning how to film, and taking in culture and beauty. The way the Lord has given me time to learn how He made me is truly wonderful.
After this trip, I cannot imagine life without creating. I see clearly how the Lord designed my brain and eyes to see the world through light, color, and composition. How inspiration comes in waves and surges through my body. How my world centers around aesthetic, authenticity, and expression.
Growing up I was called an artist. Starting at the age of five I was showing guests dozens of sketch books filled with doodles, welcome home signs, and figures wearing Emily-designed princess dresses. But even as I dove into photography at age 12, I never saw myself as an artist. I was just a photographer… an amateur photographer at that. I wasn’t that good; no one would want that but my mom..
Its taken years and years of comparison, heart ache, and frustration to appreciate that God made me an artist; I have prayers written in journals during my learning disabilities therapy crying out the Lord asking why He made me good at drawing words, but not spelling them. Why couldn’t my mind do math, but it understood the rule of thirds? I even wrote “Lord, if I give you back my gift of photography, would you make smarter at math and writing?”
Finishing high school may be the hardest things I have ever done and completed. School has been one of the most intense struggles in my life. It was always the obstacle of the day. I wanted to do what I could do, what made other people happy, what made me feel a l i v e. I wanted to be brainstorming, drawing, and photographing. I wanted to be talking to people, capturing the world, and learning how to film. I didn’t understand how so many of my friends could write essays in a day… how they didn’t cry during tests… how they made math look easy and logical. I didn’t understand at the time that I was an artist.
The weeks I’ve gotten to spend traveling, it finally hit me, I a m a n A r t i s t. This year after May 2oth, I won’t have school to struggle through daily. I won’t have papers looming over me, tests to cause anxiety and panic, or hours of studying flashcards that all sound and look the same. Instead I will be pursuing all of the passions God has put on my heart. I get to wake up and create. Wake up and talk. Wake up and capture. Wake up and do what I can do, what makes other people happy, what makes me feel a l i v e. Yes, there will always be something that is hard and that I will struggle through, but no, nothing will compare to having school. I know so many people won’t understand how difficult it was, but trust me when I say that it truly never got easier to wake up every day to work on school.
To those who are hurting through school – to those who feel alive when they are pursuing art and people, keep pushing. Keeping working. When you finish school at the end of the day, start finding the best ways to express yourself and make this world a better place. Pursue opportunities that scare you; stop comparing your heart and passion; you are an artist. Find how you can glorify the Lord and thank Him for the way He lets you see the world.
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34: 17-18
The gospel is for all – those who thrive in school, those who thrive creating. The Lord gave you gifts that make you feel A L I V E. Use those to glorify Him. Do not ignore them. I pray you never resent the Lord for them.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:8-10
