I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine, Kalee Reiling. She is one of the strongest, most beautiful, and most hilarious people you will ever meet. She is just so genuine and honest with you, and so encouraging.
Here is her story:
“Pain… a four letter word that made a permanent home in my heart. With every step I took, every breath that I breathed it was laced with pain. A circumstance that I could not control that God allowed ripped my world apart. It left me gasping on for the chance to breathe.
My mom lost her battle to pancreatic cancer on January 2nd 2011 during the middle of my Sophomore year of high school. She was gone for my basketball games, getting my license, and every major event that happens in a kids life during high school. The thing that sucks was it was not her choice, it wasn’t like a divorce or her killing herself. She lost the battle to a disease something that no human could control. The next month was killer between getting good grades, excelling in Basketball, and pretending everything was okay. I was physically and emotionally worn out. The only thing that was keeping me together was basketball just being able to pound my frustrations out on the court everyday after school made me feel so much better. I remember being so angry at God and telling him that I didn’t need him because I had my sport. About 2 weeks after my mom died I tore my ACL a major ligament in the knee causing me to be out for all sports for the rest of the year. I went home that day and just bawled my eyes out. My anger towards the Lord and what he allowed increased and I loathed Church and everything that had to do with it or God for that matter.
The next six months I did a ton of stuff that I am not proud of and I ran away from God because running to him in my mind was not an option. I took the counterfeits that Satan laid before me and I bought them hook line and sinker. All the while everything that I tried to do to make me happy left me more broken, confused, angry, and worthless. In my inner mind I had so many toxic thoughts swimming in that brain of mine that I didn’t know what was right from what was wrong. One thought that kept playing over in my mind was “Just kill yourself nobody would care. In fact God doesn’t even care about you.” I sat on my bed contemplating on giving up and going through with the idea of suicide. i decided to make one last desperate plea to God. I begged him to bring someone into my life because if he didn’t I would be seeing him very soon. In that moment the Lord spoke to me and told me to call Cheri. Now this girl and I weren’t close at all. Yes we had grown up together, but she wasn’t someone I would call. Long story short I called her and we met for frozen yogurt. That became a regular thing and I slowly began to open up to her and the more I opened up the more I healed. Parts of me that I thought had died came back to life. I came back to life, I started making more friends, going to church again. Everything was great, I found the Lord and I fell in love with Him again.
Since then the Lord has brought storms to my life, such as my dad getting remarried, losing some best friends, tearing my ACL again, changing schools. and getting ready for College. Every one has turned into a triumph that I know he will use for his glory and the furthering of his kingdom. God has allowed a lot to happen to me, but I know it has made me stronger and it has shaped me into the woman I am today. As funny as it sounds I wouldn’t trade anything that has happened because I know that it was worth it.
I am not perfect I am far from it, but I know that I am loved and I am worth something to the Lord. The standards and the stereotype that the world has put on me does not fit the mold of Christ. I hope that whoever reads this knows that God loves you more than you can imagine and if He loves you I love you too. I hope that I can see you in Heaven someday and we can talk about life and what God has done for us. I know I am not alone in what has happened to me and I am thankful for it because I hope in small way it has blessed your life. I asked God for a miracle for him to save my mom and give her life and he did just not in the way I wanted. I didn’t get the “miracle” I asked for so I am going to be the “miracle” Go be a miracle in someone else’s life and remember that God is ALWAYS with you.
God never promised me that life was going to be easy, but He did promise me that it was going to be worth it. I would do everything over again if it somehow blesses you and it helps you see the love of my King. Run to him because running away from Him only hurts you in the end. I love you and I hope we get to spend eternity in Heaven rejoicing with our King! <3″
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Thank you,
Jessica June
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Beautiful :)
God is the pursuer of our hearts. Beautiful story
Wow…I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing your heart and story with us Jessica. My story is SO similar to yours that it’s not even funny. I would love to talk/ email/ connect to you and maybe we can encourage one another?? My mom passed away because of lung cancer in June 2011 and my dad re-married in April 2012. It’s been extremely tough, but I know with all my heart that God has a plan for the rest of my life and everything that I’ve been through in the past two years (and the years that my mom was sick), has helped me to grow into the person that I am today. It’s hard to say this, but I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without going through all the hard trials I’ve had to walk through. God has helped me grow SO very much and my walk with Him is so much stronger. All that said, I want you to know that I’ll be praying for you. Keep trusting in Him, girl. You got this and I know your mom is so very proud of you. xoxo, Emily (www.practicallypink.blogspot.com)
Aaah, Jessica,dear, forged by His fire,I relate to. He does all things well. Thank you for sharing your story.
Love you Kalee! You bring a smile to my face every time I see you!
I met Kalee and her family when I was volunteering this summer they had come to spread some of her mom’s ashes in the most favorite spot her mom had at the ranch. Wow! hard time reading this through the tears so sorry it has been so hard on Kalee her mom was an amazing women who I adored to bits. I’m so glad even though it was so very hard that Kalee you didn’t leave this world because an awful lot of people would have missed you, I’m so glad you fought back with God I know so well what it’s like to be mad and angry with God. Your testimony will help so many young people who have gone through just what you did. Your testimony will bring them hope and encourage them to keep going and to know they are not alone. I met another young gal around your age Kalee who knew your mom and her dad died of cancer as well and she felt like you so alone and just without hope. She wrote to me one day and told me the best thing about losing my dad I guess is he gets to hang out in heaven with Jenni.
Kalee your writing is beautiful it’s raw but written from your heart.
Thank you for sharing and I have prayed for you and your family a lot since your mom passed away and I was so very honored to have met you and your family this summer.
Wow, truly inspiring ! Your strength is amazing Kalee
Kalee, thanks for sharing. You are a one-of-a-kind, very special girl and your mom was so proud of who she saw you become. Your mom was the strongest fighter I know, so you can imagine her smile as she watched you battle back from running away. I’m glad to have you in our lives. Jessica, thank you for allowing Kalee to share on your site. I hope it ministers to people out of her physical reach.
What a powerful testimony! Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
wow Kalee!! what a heart-wrenching testimony but at the same time, absolutely beautiful story of God’s grace & faithfulness! I’m so thankful he brought you through the most trying times of your life so that you can reach out to others & bring glory to His name! proud to call you sis in Christ!!
Thanks for sharing!
I read this the other day and forgot to comment, but I just want to say thank you so much for sharing. We’ve had several people with cancer in our family, so this really hit home for me. Praise God for who He is and how He loves us!