Thoughts

Tossing and turning with no sleep to be found all night long. . . all because I couldn’t rest & trust in the TRUTH of God’s word. WHY? Why can’t I just stop and trust? And REST! Knowing that He already knows. He already has a perfect plan. Last night we were up late as one of my children had someone threaten to kill him yesterday. So many emotions go through your mind as a mom. My first momma bear instinct is to shelter and hide him. “You can’t go to school tomorrow!” was my first instinct. My next thought was “what a punk!” and then it was “we really need to pray for this kid!!” How seriously should we take this? We knew our son was getting bullied, but a death threat was like a punch in the gut.

My human nature is to let my mind go in a downward spiral. . . will this kid bring a gun or knife to school? Is he just a big talker or will he try to follow through? I want to shelter my kids from these things. I don’t want to see my kids hurt–physically or emotionally. It makes my heart sad that kids are so incredibly mean. What caused this kid to be so nasty? To lash out? What is his story? And why is it colliding with my son’s? Why did he choose my son to be his target? Because my son loves Jesus? Because my son gets good grades? Because my son is nice?

I don’t know. I don’t have the answers to the why behind the threats, the harassment, the bullying. But I do know that as I started my day with my morning routine, I opened my bible up & the very first underlined verse I saw was. . . “He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid.” And as I reading my bible, the song “Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle came on my spotify list with these words. . .

Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

Throughout my entire quiet time with Jesus this morning, I was reassured over and over again by the power of the words of God as well as the lyrics of praise songs. I had a supernatural peace wash over me & my heart changed. It went from being scared, worried and a momma-bear “don’t mess with my son” attitude to actually praying for this young man’s heart to be softened. And not only that, but praying that my son & this young man may actually end up friends.

I am sharing this with you for two reasons.  First of all, we all have the choice to control our thoughts. God gave us free will. . .and that includes the way we use our brain. . You can stop the downward spiral of your thought process right at the beginning. Well, I wish I would have chosen more wisely last night. Last night as I envisioned my son being attacked, I should have stopped right then. I should have gone & picked up my bible, put on praise music & just focused on what I know is true. It took me until this morning to stop & do this. But, just think! If I would have stopped right when I started to get freaked out and worried and gone to get my bible, turned on praise music, I would have actually had a good night’s sleep! :)

The second reason I am sharing this is because I was equipped & prepared. I might have been a little slow & dense in my reaction time. BUT–I had already spent time in the bible during a previous quiet time & had underlined that exact verse I needed to read this morning. I already had taken time to make an amazing spotify playlist that I listen to during my quiet time every morning. I did get up and do my normal routine of spending quiet time. It has become a habit. Some days are dry. Some days I can’t get enough and would love to just read & soak in the presence of Jesus. But if we are faithful in our time with Him, He is so faithful to us. I felt like He was giving me a big daddy hug this morning telling me that He loved my son even more than I did.

I guess I have a third reason as well. . . :)  I realized what a huge blessing Delight can be to the girls as one of our big sisters brought me so much comfort and truth. (Our big sisters are women who have committed to love, serve and disciple the girls online.) Well, after wrestling and slightly freaking out for an hour or so late last night, I got on my computer into the Delight & Be group. One of our precious big sisters posted “I am up. . . does anyone need prayer tonight?” She was online to be there for the girls, but I reached out to her. Her words were exactly what I needed to hear. . . such a beautiful reminder. She wrote me. . .

“I think the biggest advice my mom would have in this situation is to pray like crazy and that this is an opportunity to live out the fact that the minute you gave life to your kids that you surrendered them to the Lord’s will. He can protect them physically and mentally beyond what you can. You’re doing what you can to be there for him and love him and give him the Lords truth but beyond that all you’ve got is to trust the Lord. I don’t know what it feels like to have a child hurting but I do know His power is SO MUCH GREATER than anything we can imagine. You know that!”

I think as females and creatives, our minds tend to be quite imaginative, so it can be quite a challenge. But–we have been given a choice on how we use our brain. . . let’s be wise & focus on the truth of what God says! Next time something is out of your control  & you are scared, freaked out, nervous, uncertain, etc., STOP and remember to open your bible, put on praise music, & pray. Remember the truths that you know. . . HE is good. HE is faithful. HE never fails. HE loves us. HE is always with us. HE never changes. HE has a perfect plan for each of our lives.

With my heart full of love,

Momma Wall