{Be Loved} The Five Minute Meeting

by: Emily Bell

Did you know I was fired from my first big girl job?

Yep. It’s true. It seriously sucked. It has sucked for a long time now. A 5 minute meeting and BAM my life was thrown in a totally different direction. I have allowed that 5 minute meeting to affect for me years now. Please understand, I am not walking around all day everyday with my eyes glued to the ground wallowing and plotting my revenge. There was a time when this was true, but I have certainly grown beyond that stage. Though I’ve attempted to not allow those 5 minutes in time affect me SO much, they still do. I have been angry. I have been embarrassed and ashamed. Every time I hear The Dixie’s Chick’s anthem, “I’m Not Ready To Make Nice” I sing the lyrics loud and strong as if I had penned each word myself.

That 5 minute meeting changed me. I found my dark side. I didn’t even know it was there. But there it was. Hello dark side. Dark side says, “I’d liked to introduce you to your cynical side.” Hello cynical side. I say, “Hey, you guys are awesome protectors! I think I’ll hold onto you two for awhile.”

Maybe my sides were always there, but I was unaware of them until my little meeting. But, maybe a little cynicism is ok. Even positive. We need to be able to ask why. Right? My problem is asking why in an inquisitive, sweet tone. My whys usually have a strong f-off undertone.

Wow. I am really showing my true colors now, aren’t I?

What I am trying to say is we all have 5 minute meetings which change us. They turn us upside down. They take what we believed was true and turn it on it’s head. These 5 minute meeting moments. A one line sentence, “I want to be a cop.” and BAM! Life has gone a new direction. “I’m pregnant.” BAM! Life has totally changed. “You are no longer employed here.” BAM! “It’s cancer.” BAM. “She’s gone.” BAM. We have all experienced these moments. These 5 minute meetings occur and everything we believed was sure and secure is gone. We are left flailing, sure of nothing, grasping for anything.

They happen… to all of us. Everyone always says you have to “move on.” But I’m not sure those are the right words. There are days I still get stuck. Days I still get angry. Days I still need to forgive. But I don’t want to move on because beauty has also bloomed from that meeting. Those 5 minutes, they threw me, HARD! But now that 5 minute meeting is a part of my story. It is part of why I am who I am today.

There are times I am actually thankful for that 5 minute meeting. That meeting was horrid, but if it wasn’t for that meeting my life wouldn’t be what it is now. If it hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be a photographer. And I LOVE being a photographer. I wouldn’t be living in Oregon. And I LOVE Oregon. I wouldn’t have started to question, why. And I LOVE to ask why. (Though my tone could probably use some work.) I would not do as much critical thinking. And I LOVE this new side of me. I would still be scared to death of confrontation and avoid it all costs. And I LOVE, ok, confrontation is easier. Just like the Dixie Chicks say in their song, “You turned my whole world around, and I kinda liked it.”

Will it take me more time to totally forgive? Yes. Will just writing this down make it all go away? No. But, maybe it’s a step in the right direction. Maybe sharing my story will let you know you’re not alone. We are all struggling. We all have 5 minute meetings.

But through all the crap remember this. There will be beauty blooming from your horrid moments. Look for them. Think about it. What is different because of your moment? Think about it. Picture it. I really mean close your eyes and see it. What is it like? What expressions do you see? How do you feel? Let that visual be one tiny step toward the beauty being created in you because of your 5 minute meeting.

Eventually I need to fully forgive. I know that. But moving on. Nope. That 5 minute meeting affected me. I don’t want to move on from it. There are parts I need to forgive. Yes. But mostly I am happy with what that meeting did for my life overall. Yes, it has affected me. It still affects me. It will always affect me. But today the affects are mostly positive. Affects I sing and dance over!

It seems completely appropriate for me to leave you with these words…

Romans 5:3-5
But we also rejoice in sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Love From Albany, OR (which I LOVE by the way)
Em